How a little brain tumor did me a favor

God allows some of us to fall more heavily and more grievously.  And then we, who are not all-wise, think that everything which we have undertaken was all for nothing.  But it is not so, for if we did not fall we could not know so completely the wonderful love of our Creator.  We shall truly see that we were never hurt in His love, nor were we ever of less value in His sight. — Dame Julian of Norwich, 1342

You might think I’m crazy, but the discovery of a teeny tiny brain tumor did me a favor.  

Four years ago, I was really enjoying my life.  I had the house of my dreams, a great job, and a beautiful garden.  I had just learned of a rare vascular problem in my head and had engaged in a very close walk with God.  Then I was asked to serve as the women’s minister for my church and as I served many people in need, I felt like an angel, like it wasn’t really ME helping others.  I was not married and had to run this church organization as well as take care of my house and yard, and it was taxing, but somehow, I did it.

I don’t know exactly how it happened, but a couple of years ago, things just came undone.  I had a disastrous and expensive sewer line repair, high medical bills, family members out of work…  The church calling changed hands and, I  must confess, I left it with some spiritual and emotional baggage… Responsibilities at my job had increased dramatically, as had the stress.  

Honestly, there wasn’t much left of me when I got home.  My beautiful garden became a patch of weeds.  My housekeeping suffered and I quit inviting friends over.  Never much of a television or movie watcher, I started spending every evening in front of my tiny little TV set. 

The truth is, and I knew it even then, that I was just in survival mode, trying to make it through one crisis after another. 

Then came that night in June of last year.  A young single mom from the church, actually very dear to me, was in crisis and had to move, right away, that very night.  I was the first person she told, and naturally, I dropped everything to go help. 

She laid on the floor and wailed in front of her kids.  Frightened, they followed her lead and wailed at the top of THEIR lungs.  With all this commotion in the background, I called some church leaders for help.  Within 30 minutes, 14 men and a half-dozen women armed with trash bags and boxes and packing tape and cleaning supplies arrived at the house.

I had only asked that they send a few brothers to save the furniture and computer and essential clothing.  But no, they went all out. 

Because of the vascular problem, I don’t do much heavy lifting, so I went to the storage unit to supervise unloading.  We’d found an inexpensive storage place a few blocks from her house and rented a large garage-sized unit.  After all, she had a five-bedroom duplex to store until she found suitable housing.

Incredibly, the whole house was packed and cleaned and moved by 10 p.m.! 

We were on the second-to-last truck of the night when I fell.  This wonderful brother had backed his big truck up to the unit and moved all the boxes but needed some help with a dresser.  Those standing around hesitated, exhausted.  I was still fresh, so I jumped up onto the truck to help him.  We got a good grip on it and he tipped it towards me but it was really wobbly, falling apart, so I adjusted my grip and in doing so, lost my balance and fell straight over backwards.  I hit my head something awful.

I was more embarrassed than anything, but I knew I’d hit hard so I just laid there for a moment to catch my breath.  Brother Wellard and one of the sisters, Mae, knelt to check me out. 

“I’m okay,” I said, “I’m okay.  No big deal, I’m okay.”

I stood up and we were all laughing about how crazy that was, and then Mae said, “Uhhh, no, you’re not okay.  Look.”

I looked.  I was wearing a white shirt and the right shoulder was covered with blood.  There was blood dripping heavily down the right side of my head. 

Brother Wellard quickly took a look and got on his cell phone to one of the brothers still back at the house.  They had a physician’s assistant with them. 

“You’d better get over here, Sister Holladay fell off the truck and split her head wide open.”

Okay, now, THAT scared me!  I was still standing, didn’t feel faint, but thought I’d better lean against something so I walked over to my car.

I probably didn’t HAVE to go to the ER.  I hadn’t blacked out and felt perfectly fine.  But I had jerked  my head back pretty hard and was worried about the vascular problem.  That head-flipping thing was the ONE thing my neurologist had told me not to do… No painting the ceiling with my head tipped back, no sudden cervical chiropractic movements, no roller coaster rides where you would flip your head…

So we all agreed that I should go to the hospital.

Long story short, in the very first CAT scan they spotted a small meningioma.  They watched it and tested it for three months because, with the fall, it could also have been a bleed.  But no, it was a small brain tumor.  No symptoms, no urgency, completely benign… but nevertheless, a brain tumor.

You know, we kind of made a party of it, that night in the ER.  Three people from the church spent the whole night with me.  They refused to leave until we knew what the tests showed.  I was ultimately admitted for observation in the wee hours of the morning and so I sent everyone home, but we just told stories and jokes and laughed and had a good old time!

It was the beginning of great healing for me.  I had isolated myself, hidden myself, just trying to “duck and cover” and make it through some personal tough times.  I didn’t know Mae and her husband well, but wow, they were so marvelous.  Mae picked me up at the hospital the next day.  She had noticed that I like apple green so she brought me an apple green shirt to wear home.  She picked up my prescriptions and was totally unconcerned about the demands on her time.

I began to invest myself a little more back in the church, to go to dinners and to help with service projects.  They called me to teach the adult Sunday School class, which was fun.

Slowly, slowly, the financial distresses eased, and the household concerns.  It was just a matter of outlasting all the problems until they’d run their course.

I learned everything I could about strengthening my own body’s ability to heal itself through nutrition and the right supplements.  My energy grew. 

Then came the realization that it doesn’t make sense to take pills and supplements if I’m a couch potato.  I’d gained a little extra weight and wanted to take off ten or fifteen pounds, and tone up and get some stamina back.  I was 50 and was really starting to look it!  So I started mall-walking, and then joined a gym.  I eventually signed with a personal trainer.

And here I am today.  The last ten pounds is gone, I work out or walk/run six days a week.  I’m training for a marathon and at the same time, am raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.   (Follow that story at http://SheCanRun.com).

My yard is in bloom, the weeds have been pulled, and the spring vegetables are just coming up — spinach, golden sugar snap peas, onions, garlic, beets, and kohlrabi.  We’ve passed our last frost day so I’ll be putting in tomatoes and squash and other fun things next weekend.  Oh, and the strawberries will be ready in June.

I’m coming back to life, vigorously, and it’s all because the doctor told me I had a little brain tumor.

It doesn’t matter that, for right now, it’s not a problem.  It doesn’t matter if it will EVER become a problem. 

What matters is that it tore through all the chains that were holding me down and set me free.  Rather than sinking any further under the strain, it showed me that I want to LIVE and to LIVE WELL.  It reminded me, every day, every week, all throughout the last year, in many different ways, that God loves me and knows of my struggles. 

I can’t even begin to tell you the blessings that have come to me in the last year.  Just winning little battles at work and with my finances… Tender mercies where my Father in Heaven grants me a special peace …  Insights and answers to prayers … Education and support on natural healing, especially finding the nutrition advice from Dr. Jeanne Wallace to help with brain tumors… Reminders that I am not forgotten as far as Angels and Heaven are concerned…

My body is stronger and more in fit than it has ever been in my life.  I’m in training for a MARATHON! 

In His infinite wisdom, God pulled back a curtain to show me a little problem in my head, knowing that rather than roll over and expect death, it would pull me back from the brink.  He did me a great favor and I’m grateful.

~ Teresa
http://meningioma.wordpress.com